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Holiday Party Help

Holiday Party Help

– Can you believe there’s
four more days until Christmas. It feels like Christmas
here in Los Angeles. It’s freezing here. And–it really is to us. This is fre–
it’s so cold, people are buying hoverboards
just for the heat when they explode. [laughter] It’s a fun day
for the people who work here because it is, uh,
our staff party tonight– our staff holiday party. And it happens every year. [cheers and applause] And, uh, yes,
we’re excited. We, um–
everybody who works here dances and drinks
and then we finish work and go to the party. And, uh, a lot of you probably
have already, uh– you’ve gone
to your holiday parties in the past for sure. And I want you to be prepared
for what you might experience so I thought
I’d help you out. Uh, bring out
my bar please. [cheers and applause] [laughter] Oh, uh–
oh, boy. There’s some balancing
going on here. [laughter] All right, so,
here we have– under the sheets
are people that, uh, at your office holiday party. And, uh, first we have
the secret couple. And they– they’ve been keeping
their relationship in the closet
for the past six months. [laughter] And now you know why
you’ve been hearing so much moaning
coming from the supply closet. After a few drinks,
they can’t keep their hands off each other. So, uh, always bring
a spare sheet so you can
cover them up again. All right. All right,
and then you make think that you can stay in the back
and avoid everyone, but then you run into
the bitter spouse. Is this the bitter spouse?
No, over here? I don’t know
where anybody is. Are you the bitter spouse?
– Mm-hmm. – Okay. [laughter] His wife dragged him
to the party, and it means he couldn’t
watch his football game. So now he’s refusing
to have a good time. He won’t smile
no matter what you do. Uh…
[laughter] He–he won’t–
– I’m bitter. smile.
– I’m bitter. He’s–he’s so bitter.
He’s such a good actor. You can’t get him
to smile. Oh, he’s so mad
and bitter. – I–
– Why did they cast you as the guy? [laughter] [cheers and applause] He’s another
uncomfortable couple that you’ll want to avoid. Um, this is the awkward
IT guy. Um… [laughter] Don’t back up anymore
whoever you are. Um, and his Tinder date. And, uh, they’re meeting
for the first time tonight. – He said he was six feet tall,
and she said she was 5’7″. Now you can try
mixing in with the crowd, and that’s where you’ll find
Carol from finance. Oh, boy. [laughter] [imitates nibbling] [laughter] – Oh, come on.
Do him. – It worked. She dresses
like Hilary Clinton, but tonight she’s letting
her freak flag fly. And you get to see
so much more than you ever wanted
to see. Like her tramp stamp. [laughter] Still, Carol is better
than what you’ll find over here. It’s the office floozy. – Uh-oh.
– Oh. [laughter] [cheers and applause] – Sorry.
– Don’t– Don’t get too close
or she’ll rub up against you like a cheese grater. And here’s one more person
you’ll find at every office party. It’s the lady
who won’t stop dancing, and that’s me.
So let’s dance.

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